Femra Shqiptare » wedding day

Your Ceremony … a Reflection of Your Values

Derby — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 12:23:34 +0000

After your wedding day, it will be the ceremony that you will remember most. Yet, it is often the part of the wedding to which the least thought is given, or it is the part the bride and groom presume is solely the prerogative of the officiant or the church.

You don’t have to let that happen. Some couples may want their weddings to be simple legal ceremonies, but most want expressions of the sacred reality of their love. It stands to reason that some real thought should be given to the content of your wedding ceremony.

You do not have to accept any church or synagogue that is handy; you have a choice. If it is the place you or your fiancee grew up, or a facility where the ceremony celebrant is a friend or is much revered, that is your most likely and comfortable choice. But if you have no spiritual community that feels like home, you should search around until you find a place and a minister/priest/rabbi who represents your thoughts and feelings, your way of looking at the world, and who will officiate at a ceremony that can be sacred in a way you define sacred to be.

Of course, you will want to take into consideration the religious traditions of both bride and groom, and both of your families. But, never forget, it is first and foremost your ceremony! If the bride and the groom are of different faiths, it is important to be inclusive and considerate of the beliefs of both sides. In actuality, the core beliefs of most religions today are very similar and the areas of disagreement are relatively minor. Virtually everyone believes that love is the essence of God, and that God’s primary command is that we become better, more loving, more compassionate, more caring people, and that we do that through our relationships with other people. A lot of ceremony can be built around those universal beliefs.

Just as you shop around for the perfect reception site and the most appropriate gown, etc., so you should shop around for the wedding ceremony location and the wedding celebrant who will best reflect the way you feel about marriage and each other. You want your marriage ceremony to exude how you feel and be relevant to your beliefs.

What do you think about life and love? What is your spiritual perspective, your values? Everybody has a philosophy of life, but many people have never put it into words, or have not yet had the occasion to think clearly about what is truly important to them. When you get married, you want this most important moment in your life to reflect your core beliefs, your truest feelings. Some want it to be a happy ceremony or a joyful ceremony, and others want it to be a solemn occasion. What do you want?

Start early to select your site. Approximately 80% of weddings are on Saturday, and 10% on Friday evenings, and 10% on Sundays. The most popular months for weddings are May, June, September and October, and churches or other ceremony sites can often book months in advance. Some locations schedule weddings beginning at 10:00 am and going every two hours into the evening.

Certain churches and locations have many rules and restrictions, while others will have few. Some priests, ministers or rabbis are much more strict than others about what they will allow. Some, like the priests and ministers in our national referral service, will have ceremony workbooks, that will let you pick and choose, and write your own ceremony. Some faiths (e.g., conservative Catholic or conservative Jewish) will allow interfaith marriages only if both parties agree to bring up the children in their faith. Other more liberal or reformed elements (including Catholics and Jews) will leave that up to the family itself. Some religions require permission to marry outside the faith or to have an interfaith ceremony, while some clergy and religions believe that love is paramount, that if “God is Love”, then those “in love” are in God. Occasionally, clergy of two different religions officiate.

More options exist than are listed here. What is important is that you are both comfortable with your location and your celebrant. If you are not, you should look around until you are.

You should also be aware that there are fees for the wedding ceremony as well as the reception. The ceremony site, if different from the reception site, will be an extra charge as well as the organist, church musicians or vocalists, etc.

Most wedding celebrants who are associated with a church or a parish may not charge a set fee, but accept donations instead. Most celebrants that you might secure outside of a home community setting have set fees that range from $150 (which sometimes results in minimal interaction) to $500, with the middle ground being $250 to $300. A few will tell you that they have no set fee, but accept donations, and most couples then offer donations in the same range as the set fees. Sometimes this supplements the income of the wedding celebrant (they can spend a great deal of time in each wedding’s preparation), and sometimes it is used for the work of their church. Brides and grooms who are planning low budget weddings and cannot afford these kinds of fees often find that many celebrants will officiate at your wedding for a low donation or for nothing. (However, after a clergy person invests thought and time into making sure your wedding is meaningful he or she should not be made to feel that they are financially less important than the cake, flowers or party favors.)

Some clergy spend very little time with the couple prior to the rehearsal or the wedding day itself. Others have relatively extensive and structured marriage preparation sessions. In my national wedding officiant referral service, we find that two sessions of about an hour each has always been sufficiently enriching, enjoyable (for both ourselves and the couple) and appreciated. These can be fun! Many couples appreciate this time spent before the wedding as very beneficial. With divorces for first-time marriages running around 50%, and for second marriages at 55%-65%, these pre-wedding sessions help couples focus on ways to keep their love as alive on their 50th anniversary as it is on their wedding day.

When the atmosphere and words of your ceremony reflect the love you and your fiancé feel for each other, it will be a powerful launch into your new life together. To think that marriage is an arrival, a settling in to a life of love, is to miss what marriage is about. Life itself is the continuing quest for becoming a more loving person; marriage is the choosing of a soul-mate, a unique and trusting partner with whom we can best make that journey to greater love more happy, more successful and more beautiful. Marriage is the magnificent continuing passage into greater love; it is not the destination itself. A wedding ceremony that builds on the values of your past and looks to the future will speak eloquently to you both throughout your life together.

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Your Bridal Bouquet

Derby — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 11:57:50 +0000

On your wedding day, you’ll be the center of attention. As you walk down the aisle on the most important walk of your life, all eyes will be fixed upon you. Of course you want to be an elegant bride who makes a smooth entrance and gracefully glides down the aisle without looking uncomfortable, feeling awkward, or dropping your bouquet.

To feel confident and self-assured, you’ll want to make sure you are holding and carrying your bouquet appropriately. Not every bouquet is carried the same way. Typically, the type of bouquet and features of your gown will determine the way your bouquet should be carried.

Round, heart, cascade, and crescent bouquets are normally held and carried in front. These types of bouquets should be low enough to reveal the details on the neckline and bodice of your gown and are held with both hands as if your arms are resting on your hips. Although the natural tendency when excited or nervous is to bring the bouquet to your waist, chest, or even higher, try to avoid this so your arms are not held in an awkward, uncomfortably position and so everyone can see the beautiful details of your gown.

Small, lightweight and delicate bouquets, such as nosegays, clutch bouquets, or single blossoms, can be carried to your side with one hand and are generally held at the same level as a bouquet held in front. If your nosegay is mounted in an elaborate or family heirloom tussy mussy (a small, Victorian style, metal or glass, cone-shaped holder), you may choose to proudly display it by holding and carrying your bouquet in the front instead of the side. If you choose a tussy mussy holder for your bouquet, you’ll notice that there is generally only enough room to hold it securely with one hand. For proper positioning, carry the tussy mussy upwards in your hand with your forearm bent slightly so it is horizontal (parallel to the floor) while your elbow rests comfortably on your hip.

Floral pomanders (bloom-covered balls or cones suspended from a ribbon) can be carried to the side in the same manner as a nosegay or in front in the same manner as a round bouquet. Typically, adult attendants carry pomanders to the side with one hand while children carry them in the front with both hands.

Arm bouquets feature long floral stems and should rest naturally and comfortably across the inner bend of your elbow so that the bouquet is cradled in your arms with the blossom end of the flowers facing away from your body. This holding and carrying technique is not only comfortable, but it also allows guests on one side to see the open blossoms as you walk down the aisle and guests on the other side to see the open blossoms as you walk back up the aisle.

Specialty bouquets such as fans, baskets, and prayer books should be carried according to their size and proportion. Smaller specialty bouquets can be carried to either your front or side, while larger baskets should be carried down and to your side.

Whatever style you choose, it’s always best to hold and carry your bouquet in the most appropriate and natural way. You will not only look regal and confident as you walk down the aisle, but you will also avoid disappointment with your wedding portraits by ensuring that all photographs capture you holding your bouquet comfortably without raising it too high and covering portions of your neck, face, or the exquisite details of your gown.
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10 WAYS TO ELIMINATE PRE-MARITAL STRESS!

Derby — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 11:47:56 +0000

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! It’s a wonderful time, but planning a wedding can often seem overwhelming. Here are some tips to help you through those anxious moments:

1) When people are nervous their breathing becomes shallow and rapid. One quick way to help you relax is to simply change your breathing pattern. This method only takes a few minutes and can even be practiced at a wedding rehearsal: Shut your eyes and focus your attention on your breathing. Try to allow slow breaths to gently come from your abdomen, but don’t strain. Simultaneously, you might want to think of your inhalations as breathing in fresh, calming energy and your exhalation breaths as breathing out tension.

2) Another popular technique: sit or lie down, shut your eyes and, after breathing gently for a few minutes, picture yourself in a peaceful, nurturing setting. Many people like to imagine themselves at a beach, in a meadow, or walking through the woods. You can visualize birds singing or waves lapping against the shore. You can be alone, with your fiance, or whatever appeals to you at the moment. Then, when you’re fully relaxed, open your eyes and bring this peaceful feeling back with you into your present environment. (You can do this because you have shifted your perception from stressful thoughts to calming ones). For some people, playing soothing music enhances the effect.

3) Actually spend some time in nature, which is inherently relaxing. Or, spend a day doing something exciting which has nothing to do with planning your wedding. Changing your focus reduces your anxiety level.

4) Physical exercise (even a brisk walk) combats stress as does time out in a nurturing activity such as an unhurried, luxurious bath. (The scent of Lavender in the bath water can act as a further relaxant). Yoga and Chi Gung are also great stress-busters.

5) Write down what is really important to you about your wedding and what are simply details. If some things seem to overlap, imagine that you have been married for l0 years and are looking back on your wedding. Did it really matter whether the invitations were exactly the right shade of ivory or whether they sent you white ones by mistake? What would you most like to remember about your wedding? What is the heart of it?

6) Be kind to yourself. If you are totally stressed out, you may be holding yourself to a higher standard than anyone else is. Most of the people you’ve invited to your wedding simply want to support you and share in your joy. Remember, everyone loves a wedding and, somehow, almost all weddings seem to turn out well despite the obstacles along the way.

7) Encourage yourself with logical, coping statements when you confront stressful situations. Examples are:

“I can handle this by taking it one step at a time. I don’t have to make all my decisions at once.”
“It’s all right to change my mind or even make a mistake.”
“I can ask my wedding coordinator or people in the chat room for opinions. I don’t have to know all the answers.”
“I was able to cope with ——, I can certainly cope with this.”
“I’m going to enjoy myself no matter what.”
“The thing that counts most is that I’m marrying the man I love.”

Come up with your own statements. Try to remember what coping thoughts helped you in past situations.

Get enough sleep. If you find yourself tossing and turning or waking up in the middle of the night with the guest list on your mind, try drinking a warm glass of scalded milk before bedtime. (It’s an old remedy that still works!). You might also want to eliminate caffeine (including sodas) and chocolate from your diet as well as late evening snacks. These things tend to keep you awake.

9)Ask for help if you need it. You don’t have to do everything yourself.

10) Have fun with your wedding! One couple I know had the whole wedding party dressed in costumes from the Renaissance period. Did they worry that others might find it odd? Maybe for about five minutes. Did everyone have a good time? Absolutely! Remember, in the final analysis, your wedding is a celebration of your love for each other. Why stress over a happy occasion?

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How To Choose an Engagement Ring

Derby — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 11:23:08 +0000

The 4 C’s of Diamonds
CUT, COLOR, CLARITY, CARAT

CUT
Refers to the actual angles and proportions of a diamond. Many confuse this with the shape of a diamond. The cut will affect the sparkle, brilliance and fire of a diamond (or how a diamond shines). I would consider this to be the most important factor of the 4 C’s. A diamond that is well cut can be distinguished with the naked eye by comparing the scintillation with that of other diamonds.

COLOR
The most common color of diamonds found in nature is yellow. Therefore, the rarest and most desirable diamonds are colorless. To put it simply,

DEF are colorless, think “Rolls-Royce”
GH are near colorless, think “Mercedes-Benz”
IJ are slight yellow , think “Honda”
KL are yellow, think “Pintos”
M-Z very yellow to brown, you don’t want one of these, unless you are fond of brown stones.

CLARITY
Refers to the inclusions or natural impurities of a diamond. This results from thousands of years of pressure, heat and sedimentation of rocks. The following grading system is based on a standard 10X magnification: FL flawless
IF internally flawless
VVS1 very, very slight inclusions
VVS2 also very, very slight inclusion….but a minute amount more than VVS1
VS1 very slight inclusions, grade 1
VS2 very slight inclusions, grade 2
SI1 slightly included, grade 1
SI2 slightly included, grade 2
I1 included
I2-I3 very, badly included

Generally FL and IF are considered museum pieces; they are extremely rare and valuable. VVS1 and VVS2 are again in the Rolls Royce category. VS1 and VS2, the Mercedes-Benz group, and SI1 and SI2 are more common. I1-I3 are extremely included and are usually visible to the naked eye. Because of the high degree of inclusions, the durability and fire of these diamonds could be jeopardized. If hit, the diamond could crack or cleave along an inclusion.

Clarity is a factor that is really for your own knowledge, since most people cannot look at a diamond and judge its clarity. The difference in price between each class could be a couple hundred dollars to a few thousand, depending on the carat size.

CARAT
This is the actual weight of a diamond. One carat is equivalent to 1/20th of a gram or 100 points equals one carat. Many people confuse this with size. For example, if we compare 3 diamonds weighing one carat each, they may all have different diameters across the top. Even though one may look bigger than the other two, it might not be well cut, and therefore may not sparkle as much as one that is well cut.

CASH OR CREDIT ?
Many stores offer payment plans with no interest for three months to one year on approved credit. Others may offer a layaway plan, whereby the ring is kept by the store until the full payment is made. Because the ring will be one of your first large purchases, check out credit card companies that offer rewards by using their card. You will be amazed at how quickly you will qualify for miles or gifts. If you would like to use cash, the best way is to obtain a certified cheque or a draft from your bank for the total amount. This will bypass any difficulties that may arise with a personal cheque.

JEWELRY STORE OR PAWN SHOP ?
Imagine buying bread…would you prefer freshly baked buns from a specialty bakery or frozen rolls from a convenience store? This is the same thought process I would recommend when choosing a store to buy from. With a reputable, established jewelry firm, you will be ensured of quality and authenticity. They should also guarantee the craftsmanship. With a pawn shop, you may net an incredible deal, but what happens if the goods are fake, stolen, or poorly made?

GRANDMA’S OLD RING?
If you are fortunate enough to inherit an heirloom ring, you should thank your lucky stars. You have just saved yourself perhaps thousands of dollars. If you are afraid your girlfriend will be startled in your tastes of rings, not to worry. Diamonds are a recyclable resource and can be easily re-set into new mounts (rings) from $400 for a simple gold band setting. A semi-mount (mount with side stones) could cost more depending on the number and quality of side (shoulder) stones. By the time the old diamond is set, no one would ever guess that it has been cherished for many years before. Some also prefer to preserve heritage settings by re-tipping claws (to secure the diamonds) and putting on a new shank (bottom of ring that usually wears thin over many years of use). After this and a good steam cleaning, the original splendor is restored.

APPRAISAL
For insurance purposes, it is always a good idea to have an appraisal stating the details and value of your diamond ring. Usually an appraisal and photo would be included with the purchase of a ring. Do some research to find out how much your home insurance policy covers, since most policies cover only a limited dollar value, so extra coverage may be required. Depending on your agents, they usually require an updated appraisal every 4-5 years, since the replacement value of jewelry usually increases over time

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Wedding Day

Derby — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 11:08:36 +0000

The first step to looking your best on your wedding day is to have a skin care regimen in place that fulfills four basic functions: to cleanse, to exfoliate, to freshen and to protect. Blusher or no blusher, everyone is going to be looking at your face, and you want it to look fresh and beautiful. For best results, you should have your skin care regimen in place for at least one month prior to your wedding.

First determine your skin type, because your skin care must work with your skin type in order to be effective. If you have oily skin but are using a hydrating (for dry skin) regimen, you will not see results. Start by asking yourself a few questions:
1) by noon, does your face feel dry? slightly oily in the T-zone (nose and forehead)? oily over your entire face?
2) do you experience breakout problems never/rarely? once a month? regularly in the T-zone? frequently?
3) would the condition of your skin be improved by extra moisture? balancing oily and dry areas? reducing oil?

If you answered most of these questions with the first answer, your skin tends to be dry. The second answers point towards combination skin, and the third is oily. Now you need to find the right products to work with these characteristics.

First, you need a good cleanser, and you should use it both morning and night. I say “cleanser” and not “soap,” because soap has drying properties and is harsh on your skin. Why cleanse both morning and night, you ask? Well, at night you’re taking off your make-up and any dirt and grime you picked up during the day (and it’s everywhere!). But you want to cleanse first thing in the morning because, unless you change your pillowcase every day, your face picks up dirt and dust off your pillowcase and oil from your hair during the night. Start with a fresh face every day.

The second step is a good mask. Unlike cleansing, you only need to mask about twice a week. Your mask should fulfill two functions: first, it should reach into your pores and remove the deep down dirt and oil that your cleanser doesn’t get. Second, it will remove dead skin cells that make your face look dull and dry. Your skin is a living organ and it renews itself every 24 hours. At the end of 3 days, you have 3 layers of dead skin on your face. Using a mask twice a week will allow the younger, fresher looking skin to show through and give you a more radiant look (and what bride doesn’t want to look radiant)? If you have very small pores, the main function of your mask will be to exfoliate; cleansing will be secondary, because your pores will keep out most dirt. If you have a regular problem with blemishes, you want to use a heavy clay-based mask that does not have any type of scrubbing grains in it. Scrubbing grains will actually activate your oil-producing glands and make your blemish problem worse.

The third step is a freshener. This is a bridge between your cleansing and protecting phases — it both removes any trace oil and dirt left over from cleansing and it begins to shrink your pores so that they won’t let as much dirt in. If you have dry skin, you want a freshener that is not alcohol-based (find a botanical freshener). If you have oil problems, you want to look for a freshener that has a trace amount of alcohol in it, or perhaps even salicylic acid for extreme blemish problems. A freshener should never sting, so if your face feels uncomfortable (not tingly) when you use your freshener, it’s too strong for your skin type.

Finally, you need to protect your skin. There are two steps to the protection phase. The first is moisturizing. The main cause of visible aging (defined as wrinkles!) is dehydration of the skin. This is a natural process that occurs as we get older, but it can be slowed down. Even oily skin needs to be moisturized twice a day. An oil-controlling moisturizer will add much-needed hydration to your skin, while absorbing excess oil at the same time. Naturally dry skin needs an even heavier moisturizer to counteract its natural tendencies.

The second step of protection is your foundation. You want to find a foundation that matches your skin type (again, oil-control foundation will keep your face looking fresh by absorbing additional oil) and — preferably — has a sunscreen built right in, so you protect your face daily before you ever leave the house. It should also be non-comedogenic so it doesn’t clog your pores (and cause blemishes). A good foundation acts as a barrier between your face and the dirt in the air and the color cosmetics you put on your face, helping to prevent break-outs and giving you a smooth, finished look.

To find a skin care regimen that really works for you, I suggest that you work with a trained beauty professional who can monitor your progress and help you change your regimen accordingly. While it may cost more than simply walking into a drugstore and picking a couple products off the shelf, the improvement you will see will be worth it. I am guessing that each of you has spent at least $100 on your gorgeous wedding dress that you will only wear one day. Isn’t it worth spending $60 on a skin care system that will make you look beautiful both on that one all-important day and every day after that?

This will probably sound very basic to you, but use waterproof mascara. You would be amazed at the number of brides who don’t realize that waterproof (not just smudgeproof) mascara is a must on their wedding days. Undoubtedly, this will be one of the happiest moments of your life, and you may shed a few tears of joy. The last thing you want is streaks of black on your face (or dark circles under your eyes) during pictures. Many brides think they won’t cry during their wedding (I was one of them). I have news for you: no matter how confident you are that you will not cry, you may be surprised at yourself. Consider waterproof mascara your guarantee against the unthinkable.

A word of caution: if you do not own waterproof mascara, do not consider it an item to be “borrowed” (from the “something borrowed, something blue” poem). Eye makeup is extremely susceptible to bacteria — and the last thing you want is an eye infection on your wedding day or your honeymoon (or to give an eye infection to the friend you borrowed the mascara from — she might not stay a friend for long!). Make the commitment to go out and buy yourself a bottle of waterproof mascara, even if you’re only going to use it for one day.

And finally, for those of you who don’t normally wear mascara, DO use it on your wedding day. Mascara will make your eyes look bigger and make them stand out from your face — and every bride has beautiful eyes. No matter what your hair color, I suggest black mascara — it is the most defining mascara available and looks natural on everyone. Be sure you buy your mascara somewhere that gives you a 100% money-back satisfaction guarantee and then try it a couple days ahead of time to make sure it won’t irritate your eyes (and so you get used to wearing it). If you do have problems, return it immediately and try another brand.
Follow these simple tips, and you’ll have the most irresistible eyes around!

Remember the saying “You’re never fully dressed without a smile”? Well, as a bride, your look is not complete without lipliner and lipstick. I know some of you are thinking, “Ewww! Yuck!” because you don’t use lipstick on a regular basis. This is one day you want to use it to complete your look and look polished.

Every eye in the crowd will be on you — and your great big grin — as you walk down the aisle to the man of your dreams. Make sure they see beautiful, soft, full lips by following some of these simple tips:

First of all, start experimenting several weeks (if not months) before your wedding with colors to find one you like (especially if you don’t wear lipstick regularly). Remember your lip, nail and cheek colors need to all be coordinated. That’s not to say they need to all be the same shade, it simply means they need to come from the same family — all warm (oranges, browns, tawnies) or all cool (pinks, purples, plums). As with your mascara, you want to be sure that when you purchase your lipstick, it has a 100% guarantee on it. You don’t want to be saddled forever with a color or texture you don’t like.

Take special care of your lips in the month before the wedding. This means use a lip balm regularly — whenever your lips get dry (don’t lick them!) — and use a lip mask twice a week to remove dead skin (make sure the mask is specifically formulated for your lips. Your facial mask is too strong for the delicate skin on your lips). If you’re going outside, especially for long periods of time, make sure you are wearing lip protector (SPF 15 or higher) or that your lipstick has sunscreen in it.

The day of your wedding, start your morning off with a good covering of lip balm to soften your lips. Before applying your lipstick either apply a thin layer of foundation to your lips or use a product specially formulated to lengthen the wear of your lipstick, such as Mary Kay’s Triple Action Lip Enhancer (either will keep your lipstick on longer). Apply your lipliner first and then fill in with lipstick. Blend with a lip brush for a perfect finish and blot if you wish (it’s not required). If you want a little shine, top your lipstick off with clear gloss.

One word of caution: avoid frosted lipstick on your wedding day. While it may look great in other situations on other days, you want a true color (especially if you have a blusher on your veil) when you get married. You can find several neutral, natural colors (if you don’t like the bright pinks and reds) without frosting the color. Here’s to a beautiful smile!

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